mirror of
https://github.com/morpheus65535/bazarr
synced 2024-12-25 01:02:19 +00:00
1661 lines
25 KiB
Text
1661 lines
25 KiB
Text
1
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00:00:36,626 --> 00:00:38,992
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D'oh!
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2
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00:00:55,554 --> 00:00:57,044
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Stupid junk mail.
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3
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00:00:58,657 --> 00:01:00,591
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Yeah. Win this.
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4
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00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:04,525
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I'll see that he gets it.
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5
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00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:07,963
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How dumb do they think I am?
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Huh? A check?
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6
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00:01:08,033 --> 00:01:11,560
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One million dollars.
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7
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00:01:11,637 --> 00:01:16,131
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I'm rich!
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8
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00:01:18,777 --> 00:01:21,803
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Mr. Simpson, I can assure you,
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this check of yours is nonnegotiable.
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9
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00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,372
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Oh, yeah?
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Well, what makes you so damn sure?
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10
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00:01:25,451 --> 00:01:28,249
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See where it says "Void, void, void"
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and "This is not a check"?
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11
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00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:30,686
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"Cash value
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1 /20th of a cent."
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12
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00:01:30,756 --> 00:01:32,724
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- " Mr. Banker, do not honor."
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- Shut up.
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13
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00:01:32,791 --> 00:01:36,056
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I had a feeling it was
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too good to be true.
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14
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00:01:36,128 --> 00:01:39,495
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Every time you get a million dollars,
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something queers the deal.
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15
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00:01:39,565 --> 00:01:42,432
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I don't think real checks
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have exclamation points.
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16
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00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:44,992
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Well, at least we got
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a free sample of Reading Digest.
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17
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00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:49,006
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Marge, I never read
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a magazine in my life,
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and I'm not gonna start now.
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18
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00:01:49,074 --> 00:01:51,099
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Hey, a cartoon!
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19
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00:01:54,813 --> 00:01:56,838
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Ain't it the truth?
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20
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00:01:56,915 --> 00:01:58,644
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No, it's not the truth, Homer.
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21
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00:01:58,717 --> 00:02:01,652
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It's well-documented that women
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are safer drivers than men.
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22
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00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,883
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Oh, Marge, cartoons
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don't have any deep meaning.
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23
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00:02:04,957 --> 00:02:07,425
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They're just stupid drawings
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that give you a cheap laugh.
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24
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00:02:10,496 --> 00:02:12,430
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Hey, Einstein,
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put down your reading.
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25
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00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:14,022
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- It's lunchtime.
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- You go ahead.
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26
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00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:16,659
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Hey, you don't wanna eat?
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What you do, get one of them
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stomach staples?
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27
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00:02:16,735 --> 00:02:19,295
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As Tolstoy said
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in Quotable Notables...
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28
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00:02:19,371 --> 00:02:22,932
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"Give me learning, sir,
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and you may keep your black bread."
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29
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00:02:23,008 --> 00:02:25,476
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- Who is that bookworm, Smithers?
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- Homer Simpson, sir.
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30
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00:02:25,544 --> 00:02:28,240
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Simpson, eh?
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How very strange.
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31
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00:02:28,313 --> 00:02:31,441
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His job description
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clearly specifies an illiterate.
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32
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00:02:31,517 --> 00:02:36,113
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We now return to Troy McClure
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and Delores Montenegro
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in Preacher With a Shovel.
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33
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00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:39,180
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But Irrigation can save
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your people, Chief Smiling Bear.
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34
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00:02:39,258 --> 00:02:41,852
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Marge, look at them
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staring at that idiot box.
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35
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00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:45,055
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God forbid they would
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ever read something
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and improve their minds.
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36
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00:02:45,130 --> 00:02:47,428
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You've certainly taken
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a shine to that magazine.
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37
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00:02:47,499 --> 00:02:49,865
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It's not just
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one magazine, Marge.
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38
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00:02:49,935 --> 00:02:53,530
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They take hundreds of magazines,
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filter out the crap...
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39
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00:02:53,605 --> 00:02:57,166
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and leave you with something
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that fits right in your front pocket.
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40
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00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:03,810
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God! Those kids don't know
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what they're missing.
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41
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00:03:05,784 --> 00:03:07,979
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- Dad!
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- Hey, what gives, man?
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42
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00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:09,987
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the House of Representatives
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on C-SPAN,
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43
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00:03:10,055 --> 00:03:13,286
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and listen to an inspiring story
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of wilderness survival.
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44
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00:03:13,358 --> 00:03:15,485
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"Then I heard the sound...
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45
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00:03:15,561 --> 00:03:17,893
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"that all
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arctic explorers dread—
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46
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00:03:17,963 --> 00:03:20,727
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the pitiless bark
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of the sea lion."
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47
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00:03:20,799 --> 00:03:22,460
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He'll be killed!
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48
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00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:26,368
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Homer, he obviously got out alive
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if he wrote the article.
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49
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00:03:26,438 --> 00:03:30,101
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Don't be so—
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Oh, you're right.
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50
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00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:37,606
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Homey, put down your magazine
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for a minute.
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51
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00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:41,210
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- Huh?
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- I thought you might wanna snuggle.
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52
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00:03:41,286 --> 00:03:46,383
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That reminds me.
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"Seven ways to spice up
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your marriage."
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53
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00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:50,394
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Marge, "You have a nice body...
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54
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00:03:50,462 --> 00:03:54,296
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and if you'd like to
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see me in a costume,
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you have only to ask."
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55
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00:03:54,366 --> 00:03:55,958
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Thank you, Homey.
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56
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00:03:56,034 --> 00:03:59,663
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Wow! Little meat loaf men!
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57
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00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:02,738
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Where did you get
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the idea for this, Mom?
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58
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00:04:02,808 --> 00:04:06,574
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Where do you think?
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This baby never steers
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you wrong, and it was free!
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59
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00:04:06,645 --> 00:04:09,136
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- Free.
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- It certainly has enriched our lives.
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60
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00:04:09,214 --> 00:04:13,014
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Wow. "Win a trip
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to Washington, D.C.
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61
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00:04:13,085 --> 00:04:15,952
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All expenses paid.
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V.I.P. tour."
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62
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00:04:16,021 --> 00:04:19,320
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- Oh, it's for kids.
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- Wait, Dad!
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63
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00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:23,695
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An essay contest.
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"Children under 12.
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64
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00:04:23,762 --> 00:04:28,165
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Three-hundred words,
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fiercely pro-American."
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Sounds interesting.
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65
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00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:31,225
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Bart, maybe this is something
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you'd like to do too.
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66
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00:04:31,303 --> 00:04:35,501
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Mom, it's a nice thought,
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but we both know that
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this is the pony to bet on.
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67
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00:04:37,042 --> 00:04:41,672
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What would Ben Franklin say
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if he were alive today?
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68
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00:04:41,747 --> 00:04:44,477
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He'd say, uh...
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69
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00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:46,142
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"Think of a better opening."
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70
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00:04:46,218 --> 00:04:48,618
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- How's it going, honey?
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- Not very well.
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71
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00:04:48,687 --> 00:04:52,054
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Well, when I used to
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get stuck like this,
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I'd go for a bike ride.
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72
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00:04:52,124 --> 00:04:55,116
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- Do kids go
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on bike rides anymore?
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- Yes!
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73
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00:04:55,193 --> 00:04:58,754
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I don't know.
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I thought maybe bikes
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weren't cool anymore.
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74
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00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:03,028
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- Do kids still use that word "cool"?
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- Yes, Mom!
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75
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00:05:11,009 --> 00:05:14,376
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Okay, America, inspire me.
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76
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00:05:16,848 --> 00:05:19,146
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Wow, a bald eagle.
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77
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00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,611
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Hmm.
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78
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00:05:24,690 --> 00:05:26,749
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Thanks for driving me
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to the contest, Dad.
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79
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00:05:26,825 --> 00:05:29,988
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Sweetheart, there's nothing
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I wouldn't do for that magazine.
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80
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00:05:30,062 --> 00:05:33,998
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"So burn the flag if you must,
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but before you do...
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81
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00:05:34,066 --> 00:05:36,159
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"you better burn
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a few other things.
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82
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00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:38,532
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"You better burn your shirt
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and your pants.
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83
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00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:40,970
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" Be sure to burn
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your TV and car.
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84
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00:05:41,039 --> 00:05:43,405
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"Oh, yes, and don't forget
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to burn your house...
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85
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00:05:43,475 --> 00:05:47,377
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"because none of those things
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could exist without six white stripes...
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86
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00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:51,041
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seven red stripes
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and a hell of a lot of stars."
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87
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00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:52,811
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Thank you very much.
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88
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00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:55,614
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Yeah! Damn right!
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89
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00:05:58,690 --> 00:06:03,559
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" Recipe for a free country:
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Mix one cup liberty with
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three teaspoons of justice.
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90
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00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:06,757
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Add one informed electorate.
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Baste well with veto power."
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91
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00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:12,628
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" My back is spineless.
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My belly is yellow.
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92
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00:06:12,704 --> 00:06:14,729
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I am the American nonvoter."
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93
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00:06:16,975 --> 00:06:20,433
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"Stir in two cups of checks.
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Sprinkle liberally with balances."
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94
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00:06:22,881 --> 00:06:25,941
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" Ding, dong. The sounds
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of the Liberty Bell.
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95
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00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:29,044
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Ding— freedom.
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Dong— opportunity.
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96
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00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:32,716
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Ding— excellent schools.
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Dong— quality hospitals."
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97
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00:06:35,193 --> 00:06:39,152
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"When America was born
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on that hotJuly day in 1 77 6...
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98
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00:06:39,231 --> 00:06:43,668
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"the trees in Springfield Forest
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were tiny saplings,
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trembling towards the sun.
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99
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00:06:43,735 --> 00:06:45,794
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"And as they were nourished
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by Mother Earth...
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100
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00:06:45,871 --> 00:06:48,533
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"so too did our fledgling nation
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find strength...
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101
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00:06:48,607 --> 00:06:51,474
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"in the simple ideals
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of equality and justice.
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102
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00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:55,240
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"Who would have thought
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such mighty oaks
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or such a powerful nation...
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103
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00:06:55,313 --> 00:06:59,477
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could grow out of something
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so fragile, so pure?"
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104
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00:06:59,551 --> 00:07:01,644
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Thank you.
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105
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00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:05,023
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- What do you think?
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- It's good.
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106
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00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,990
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A little too good
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for an eight-year-old.
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107
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00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:10,995
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Me thinks I detect
|
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the sickly scent of the daddy.
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108
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00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:15,693
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Mr. Simpson, I'd like to
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ask you a few questions
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about your daughter's essay.
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|
109
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00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:18,827
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- Lisa, will you excuse us?
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- Okay.
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110
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00:07:18,904 --> 00:07:21,498
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"We the purple"?
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What the hell was that?
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111
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00:07:21,573 --> 00:07:24,303
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- Are you a professional writer?
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- Mm-mmm.
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|
|
112
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00:07:24,376 --> 00:07:26,435
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Are you interested in
|
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politics or government?
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|
113
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00:07:26,511 --> 00:07:28,172
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I don't know.
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114
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00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:31,807
|
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- Are you interested in anything?
|
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- I don't know.
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115
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00:07:31,883 --> 00:07:35,250
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- Could you touch your nose for me? Hmm.
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- Mm. Hmm.
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|
116
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00:07:37,522 --> 00:07:40,184
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Lisa, after meeting
|
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your father...
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117
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00:07:40,258 --> 00:07:42,886
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I've decided to award you
|
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an additional five points.
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118
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00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:46,556
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Congratulations.
|
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You and your family
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are going to Washington.
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119
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00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:48,963
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Wa-hoo!
|
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Who would have guessed...
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|
120
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00:07:49,034 --> 00:07:52,165
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reading and writing
|
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would pay off?
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|
121
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00:08:01,074 --> 00:08:04,100
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- Yes, sir, can I get you something?
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- Playing cards, notepad...
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|
122
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00:08:04,177 --> 00:08:06,611
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aspirin, sewing kit,
|
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pilot's wing pin...
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|
123
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00:08:06,679 --> 00:08:08,977
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propeller-shaped swizzle stick,
|
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sleeping mask...
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124
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00:08:09,048 --> 00:08:12,245
|
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- and anything else
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I've got coming to me.
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- I'll see what I can do.
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|
125
|
|
00:08:12,318 --> 00:08:15,287
|
|
Hmm.
|
|
|
|
126
|
|
00:08:15,354 --> 00:08:18,619
|
|
Steward!
|
|
|
|
127
|
|
00:08:18,691 --> 00:08:21,683
|
|
Little boy, I bet you'd like to
|
|
visit the cockpit.
|
|
|
|
128
|
|
00:08:21,761 --> 00:08:23,285
|
|
Ooh-ooh, baby!
|
|
|
|
129
|
|
00:08:23,362 --> 00:08:26,798
|
|
And this control stick is like
|
|
the handlebars on your tricycle.
|
|
|
|
130
|
|
00:08:26,866 --> 00:08:28,959
|
|
Now, would you
|
|
like to see where
|
|
we hang our coats?
|
|
|
|
131
|
|
00:08:29,035 --> 00:08:31,799
|
|
No, thank you.
|
|
I'd rather push
|
|
this button. Oops!
|
|
|
|
132
|
|
00:08:31,871 --> 00:08:34,101
|
|
No!
|
|
|
|
133
|
|
00:08:34,173 --> 00:08:36,869
|
|
We're all gonna die!
|
|
|
|
134
|
|
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:45,481
|
|
Look, Marge, that guy has
|
|
the same last name we do. Taxi.!
|
|
|
|
135
|
|
00:08:46,886 --> 00:08:49,753
|
|
Oh, look, Homer,
|
|
the I.R.S.
|
|
|
|
136
|
|
00:08:49,822 --> 00:08:53,485
|
|
- Boo!
|
|
- Oh, boo yourself.
|
|
|
|
137
|
|
00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:57,154
|
|
Here we are, kids.
|
|
The Watergate.
|
|
|
|
138
|
|
00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:09,674
|
|
Hey!
|
|
|
|
139
|
|
00:09:09,742 --> 00:09:13,303
|
|
Homer, look.!
|
|
They give you a shower cap...
|
|
|
|
140
|
|
00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:16,678
|
|
and body gel
|
|
and bathrobes.
|
|
|
|
141
|
|
00:09:16,749 --> 00:09:19,547
|
|
And a welcoming mint
|
|
on your pillow.
|
|
|
|
142
|
|
00:09:19,619 --> 00:09:23,521
|
|
Wow, a shoehorn.
|
|
Just like in the movies.
|
|
|
|
143
|
|
00:09:23,589 --> 00:09:27,787
|
|
Shoe goes on, shoe goes off,
|
|
shoe goes on, shoe goes off.
|
|
|
|
144
|
|
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:30,124
|
|
Shoe goes on,
|
|
shoe goes off.
|
|
|
|
145
|
|
00:09:30,196 --> 00:09:32,130
|
|
Hey, I call first bedsies.
|
|
|
|
146
|
|
00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:35,690
|
|
Bart, there's no such thing
|
|
as first bedsies.
|
|
You just made that up.
|
|
|
|
147
|
|
00:09:35,768 --> 00:09:37,702
|
|
Well, okay,
|
|
which one do you want?
|
|
|
|
148
|
|
00:09:37,770 --> 00:09:40,796
|
|
I... want... that one.
|
|
|
|
149
|
|
00:09:40,873 --> 00:09:43,307
|
|
Really?
|
|
You want that one?
|
|
|
|
150
|
|
00:09:43,376 --> 00:09:45,139
|
|
It's all yours.
|
|
Whatever you say.
|
|
|
|
151
|
|
00:09:45,211 --> 00:09:47,543
|
|
- Why? What's wrong with it?
|
|
- Nothing.
|
|
|
|
152
|
|
00:09:47,613 --> 00:09:49,877
|
|
- Have a good night's sleep, Lisa.
|
|
- No, really, what?
|
|
|
|
153
|
|
00:09:49,949 --> 00:09:51,883
|
|
- Nothing.
|
|
- What did you do to it?
|
|
|
|
154
|
|
00:09:51,951 --> 00:09:54,317
|
|
- Nothing.
|
|
- Mom!
|
|
|
|
155
|
|
00:09:56,489 --> 00:10:00,255
|
|
What the— D'oh!
|
|
Stupid welcoming mint!
|
|
|
|
156
|
|
00:10:00,326 --> 00:10:03,591
|
|
- Hello?
|
|
- Good morning.
|
|
This is your wake-up call.
|
|
|
|
157
|
|
00:10:03,663 --> 00:10:06,029
|
|
Wake-up call?
|
|
It's 2:00 a.m.
|
|
|
|
158
|
|
00:10:06,098 --> 00:10:08,032
|
|
Sorry, fatso.
|
|
|
|
159
|
|
00:10:11,237 --> 00:10:14,229
|
|
Free food?
|
|
|
|
160
|
|
00:10:14,307 --> 00:10:18,903
|
|
Lisa, I'm Faith Crowley—
|
|
patriotism editor of Reading Digest.
|
|
|
|
161
|
|
00:10:18,978 --> 00:10:20,912
|
|
Oh, I love your magazine.
|
|
|
|
162
|
|
00:10:20,980 --> 00:10:23,278
|
|
My favorite section is
|
|
" How to Increase Your Word Power."
|
|
|
|
163
|
|
00:10:23,349 --> 00:10:27,979
|
|
That thing is really,
|
|
really, really... good.
|
|
|
|
164
|
|
00:10:28,054 --> 00:10:32,388
|
|
Well, good.
|
|
Lisa, I'd like you to meet
|
|
some other finalists.
|
|
|
|
165
|
|
00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:35,586
|
|
- This is Trong Van Dinh
|
|
and Maria Dominguez.
|
|
- Hello.
|
|
|
|
166
|
|
00:10:35,661 --> 00:10:38,129
|
|
Maria is the National
|
|
Spelling Bee Champion.
|
|
|
|
167
|
|
00:10:38,197 --> 00:10:41,257
|
|
And Trong has won both
|
|
the Westinghouse Talent Search...
|
|
|
|
168
|
|
00:10:41,334 --> 00:10:44,667
|
|
and the NFL Punt,
|
|
Pass and Kick Competition.
|
|
|
|
169
|
|
00:10:44,737 --> 00:10:48,673
|
|
Have either of you ever run
|
|
into any problems because
|
|
of your superior ability?
|
|
|
|
170
|
|
00:10:48,741 --> 00:10:52,268
|
|
- Hmm?
|
|
- Sure, I guess.
|
|
- Oh, me too!
|
|
|
|
171
|
|
00:10:53,646 --> 00:10:55,807
|
|
These are special
|
|
V.I.P. badges.
|
|
|
|
172
|
|
00:10:55,881 --> 00:10:57,906
|
|
They'll get you into places
|
|
other tourists never see.
|
|
|
|
173
|
|
00:10:57,984 --> 00:11:01,647
|
|
- Miss, what does the "I" stand for?
|
|
- Important.
|
|
|
|
174
|
|
00:11:01,721 --> 00:11:04,713
|
|
- Oh! How about the "V"?
|
|
- Very.
|
|
|
|
175
|
|
00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:07,418
|
|
- Oh! And, miss,
|
|
just one more question.
|
|
- Person.
|
|
|
|
176
|
|
00:11:07,493 --> 00:11:09,427
|
|
Ah!
|
|
|
|
177
|
|
00:11:09,495 --> 00:11:11,759
|
|
- What does the "I" stand for again?
|
|
- Oh!
|
|
|
|
178
|
|
00:11:16,335 --> 00:11:21,329
|
|
- "On this spot, Richard Nixon
|
|
bowled back-to-back 300 games."
|
|
- Yeah, right.
|
|
|
|
179
|
|
00:11:21,407 --> 00:11:25,241
|
|
Wow, the president's bathroom.
|
|
|
|
180
|
|
00:11:28,614 --> 00:11:31,515
|
|
- Do you mind?
|
|
- Barbara Bush!
|
|
|
|
181
|
|
00:11:31,584 --> 00:11:34,417
|
|
Oh, you have
|
|
those damn badges.
|
|
|
|
182
|
|
00:11:34,487 --> 00:11:39,083
|
|
Okay. This tub
|
|
was installed in 1894.
|
|
|
|
183
|
|
00:11:40,159 --> 00:11:43,151
|
|
Mmm. Money.
|
|
|
|
184
|
|
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,856
|
|
Hey, watch it, chief.
|
|
|
|
185
|
|
00:11:47,933 --> 00:11:51,164
|
|
Folks, we print more than
|
|
18 million bills a day.
|
|
|
|
186
|
|
00:11:51,237 --> 00:11:53,762
|
|
Oh, and in case
|
|
you were wondering...
|
|
|
|
187
|
|
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:56,034
|
|
no, we don't give out
|
|
free samples.
|
|
|
|
188
|
|
00:11:58,110 --> 00:12:00,044
|
|
Lousy, cheap country.
|
|
|
|
189
|
|
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:08,486
|
|
Bart, get out
|
|
of The Spirit of St. Louis.!
|
|
|
|
190
|
|
00:12:11,357 --> 00:12:15,123
|
|
Hey, what's so funny.
|
|
|
|
191
|
|
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:18,755
|
|
Oh, Marge, grow up!
|
|
|
|
192
|
|
00:12:20,299 --> 00:12:23,325
|
|
Congressman, this is, uh,
|
|
Springfield National Forest.
|
|
|
|
193
|
|
00:12:23,402 --> 00:12:27,133
|
|
- Now, basically, what we
|
|
wanna do is cut her down.
|
|
- Uh-huh.
|
|
|
|
194
|
|
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:29,834
|
|
As you can see
|
|
in our artist's rendition,
|
|
it's full of old growth...
|
|
|
|
195
|
|
00:12:29,909 --> 00:12:31,968
|
|
just aging
|
|
and festering away.
|
|
|
|
196
|
|
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:34,740
|
|
In comes our logging company
|
|
to thin out the clutter.
|
|
|
|
197
|
|
00:12:34,814 --> 00:12:37,476
|
|
It's all part of nature's,
|
|
you know, cycle.
|
|
|
|
198
|
|
00:12:37,550 --> 00:12:39,484
|
|
Well, Jerry, you're a whale
|
|
of a lobbyist, and, uh...
|
|
|
|
199
|
|
00:12:39,552 --> 00:12:42,385
|
|
I'd like to give you a logging permit,
|
|
I would, but, uh...
|
|
|
|
200
|
|
00:12:42,455 --> 00:12:44,787
|
|
this isn't like
|
|
burying toxic waste.
|
|
|
|
201
|
|
00:12:44,857 --> 00:12:47,325
|
|
People are gonna notice
|
|
those trees are gone.
|
|
|
|
202
|
|
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:50,995
|
|
Eh, Congressman, this is where
|
|
it gets awkward.
|
|
|
|
203
|
|
00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:55,500
|
|
I— I never quite know
|
|
how to put this.
|
|
|
|
204
|
|
00:12:55,568 --> 00:12:57,502
|
|
- I just want to—
|
|
- Offer me a bribe?
|
|
|
|
205
|
|
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,541
|
|
Oh, what is it?
|
|
|
|
206
|
|
00:13:03,609 --> 00:13:06,476
|
|
It's that little girl from Springfield
|
|
who wrote the essay.
|
|
|
|
207
|
|
00:13:06,545 --> 00:13:08,376
|
|
- Could be a good photo-op.
|
|
- Sure, fine.
|
|
|
|
208
|
|
00:13:08,447 --> 00:13:10,915
|
|
- So, uh, where do we—
|
|
- Duh, duh, duh, Not here.
|
|
|
|
209
|
|
00:13:10,983 --> 00:13:15,920
|
|
I've got a little place that
|
|
I use for these, uh, matters.
|
|
Call me tonight.
|
|
|
|
210
|
|
00:13:15,988 --> 00:13:20,220
|
|
- Well, hi there.
|
|
You must be Lisa Simpson.
|
|
- Hello, sir.
|
|
|
|
211
|
|
00:13:20,292 --> 00:13:23,227
|
|
Lisa, you're a doer,
|
|
and who knows, maybe someday...
|
|
|
|
212
|
|
00:13:23,295 --> 00:13:25,229
|
|
you'll be a congressman
|
|
or a senator.
|
|
|
|
213
|
|
00:13:25,297 --> 00:13:27,026
|
|
We have quite a few
|
|
women senators, you know.
|
|
|
|
214
|
|
00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:30,000
|
|
Only two. I checked.
|
|
|
|
215
|
|
00:13:30,069 --> 00:13:32,731
|
|
You're a sharp one.
|
|
Well, how about a few pictures?
|
|
|
|
216
|
|
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,601
|
|
Tot shot always plays
|
|
in the sticks.
|
|
|
|
217
|
|
00:13:38,677 --> 00:13:40,668
|
|
Oh, isn't that nice?
|
|
|
|
218
|
|
00:13:40,746 --> 00:13:42,680
|
|
Now there is
|
|
a politician who cares.
|
|
|
|
219
|
|
00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:46,445
|
|
If I ever vote,
|
|
it'll be for him.
|
|
|
|
220
|
|
00:13:50,689 --> 00:13:52,850
|
|
Mom?
|
|
|
|
221
|
|
00:13:52,925 --> 00:13:55,621
|
|
Lisa, the contest
|
|
isn't for three hours.
|
|
|
|
222
|
|
00:13:55,694 --> 00:13:57,889
|
|
I'm too excited to sleep.
|
|
|
|
223
|
|
00:13:57,963 --> 00:14:00,227
|
|
Anyone up for the
|
|
Winifred Beecher Howe Memorial?
|
|
|
|
224
|
|
00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:02,859
|
|
- Who's that?
|
|
- An early crusader for women's rights.
|
|
|
|
225
|
|
00:14:02,935 --> 00:14:05,961
|
|
She led the Floor Mop
|
|
Rebellion of 1 91 0.
|
|
|
|
226
|
|
00:14:06,038 --> 00:14:09,132
|
|
Later, she appeared on
|
|
the highly unpopular
|
|
75-cent piece.
|
|
|
|
227
|
|
00:14:09,208 --> 00:14:13,440
|
|
Okay, but you don't know
|
|
what you're missing.
|
|
|
|
228
|
|
00:14:17,416 --> 00:14:19,680
|
|
Oh!
|
|
|
|
229
|
|
00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:22,152
|
|
"I will iron your sheets
|
|
when you iron out...
|
|
|
|
230
|
|
00:14:22,221 --> 00:14:24,348
|
|
the inequities
|
|
in your labor laws."
|
|
|
|
231
|
|
00:14:24,423 --> 00:14:26,914
|
|
Amen, sister.
|
|
|
|
232
|
|
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,926
|
|
I told you
|
|
no one ever came here.
|
|
|
|
233
|
|
00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:32,862
|
|
So, Bob, where do we stand
|
|
on Springfield Forest?
|
|
|
|
234
|
|
00:14:32,932 --> 00:14:35,696
|
|
Do I get my logging permit?
|
|
|
|
235
|
|
00:14:35,768 --> 00:14:39,704
|
|
Well, let me put it
|
|
this way, Jerry. Timber!
|
|
|
|
236
|
|
00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:47,142
|
|
- What a pooch.
|
|
- Woof woof!
|
|
|
|
237
|
|
00:15:01,296 --> 00:15:05,665
|
|
How can I read my essay now?
|
|
I don't believe my own words.
|
|
|
|
238
|
|
00:15:09,738 --> 00:15:12,332
|
|
Honest Abe—
|
|
he'll show me the way.
|
|
|
|
239
|
|
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,708
|
|
- Mr. Lincoln—
|
|
- Mr. Lincoln,
|
|
I need your advice.
|
|
|
|
240
|
|
00:15:20,783 --> 00:15:22,944
|
|
What can I do to make this
|
|
a better country?
|
|
|
|
241
|
|
00:15:23,018 --> 00:15:24,952
|
|
Is this a good time
|
|
to buy a house?
|
|
|
|
242
|
|
00:15:25,020 --> 00:15:27,887
|
|
- I can't get my boy to brush.
|
|
- Would I look good
|
|
with a mustache?
|
|
|
|
243
|
|
00:15:27,956 --> 00:15:31,187
|
|
I tried using turpentine,
|
|
but that just made it worse.
|
|
|
|
244
|
|
00:15:33,629 --> 00:15:36,189
|
|
Mr. Lincoln?
|
|
Mr. Lincoln?
|
|
|
|
245
|
|
00:15:36,265 --> 00:15:40,224
|
|
My name is Lisa Simpson,
|
|
and I have a problem!
|
|
|
|
246
|
|
00:15:43,305 --> 00:15:46,035
|
|
Mr. Jefferson,
|
|
my name is Lisa Simpson...
|
|
|
|
247
|
|
00:15:46,108 --> 00:15:48,406
|
|
- and I have a problem.
|
|
- I know your problem.
|
|
|
|
248
|
|
00:15:48,477 --> 00:15:50,570
|
|
The Lincoln Memorial
|
|
was too crowded.
|
|
|
|
249
|
|
00:15:50,646 --> 00:15:53,581
|
|
- Sorry, sir. It's just—
|
|
- No one ever comes to see me.
|
|
|
|
250
|
|
00:15:53,649 --> 00:15:56,516
|
|
I don't blame them.
|
|
I never did anything important—
|
|
|
|
251
|
|
00:15:56,585 --> 00:15:58,576
|
|
just the Declaration
|
|
of Independence...
|
|
|
|
252
|
|
00:15:58,654 --> 00:16:01,145
|
|
the Louisiana Purchase,
|
|
the dumbwaiter—
|
|
|
|
253
|
|
00:16:01,223 --> 00:16:03,589
|
|
Maybe I should be going.
|
|
I caught you at a bad time.
|
|
|
|
254
|
|
00:16:03,659 --> 00:16:07,425
|
|
Wait! Please don't go.
|
|
I get so lonely.
|
|
|
|
255
|
|
00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:31,149
|
|
The truth must be told.
|
|
|
|
256
|
|
00:16:35,491 --> 00:16:39,018
|
|
Oh.! Oh.! Oh.! Oh.!
|
|
|
|
257
|
|
00:16:39,094 --> 00:16:41,722
|
|
Rudy, my man,
|
|
you're a miracle worker.
|
|
|
|
258
|
|
00:16:41,797 --> 00:16:44,630
|
|
Your laundry, sir.
|
|
|
|
259
|
|
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,691
|
|
There you go.
|
|
Buy yourself something nice.
|
|
|
|
260
|
|
00:16:46,768 --> 00:16:50,761
|
|
- Thank you.
|
|
- Bart, are you ready to
|
|
go to—
|
|
|
|
261
|
|
00:16:50,839 --> 00:16:52,864
|
|
- I'll room service you.!
|
|
- Before you kill me...
|
|
|
|
262
|
|
00:16:52,941 --> 00:16:55,341
|
|
remember, this trip
|
|
is all expenses paid.
|
|
|
|
263
|
|
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,025
|
|
- Thank you.
|
|
- Oh, this guy is awful.
|
|
|
|
264
|
|
00:17:15,097 --> 00:17:17,031
|
|
I know, honey,
|
|
but just sit still.
|
|
|
|
265
|
|
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,435
|
|
Welcome, everyone,
|
|
to the awards luncheon.
|
|
|
|
266
|
|
00:17:21,503 --> 00:17:24,165
|
|
I'd like to introduce
|
|
our distinguished judges...
|
|
|
|
267
|
|
00:17:24,239 --> 00:17:26,298
|
|
who will select
|
|
our scholarship winner.
|
|
|
|
268
|
|
00:17:26,375 --> 00:17:29,708
|
|
Former Redskins great
|
|
Alonzo Flowers...
|
|
|
|
269
|
|
00:17:29,778 --> 00:17:32,770
|
|
perennial third-party candidate
|
|
Wilson DeFarge...
|
|
|
|
270
|
|
00:17:32,848 --> 00:17:35,146
|
|
Senate page Brad Fletcher...
|
|
|
|
271
|
|
00:17:35,217 --> 00:17:37,447
|
|
skin care consultant Rowena...
|
|
|
|
272
|
|
00:17:37,519 --> 00:17:41,216
|
|
and wealthy gadabout
|
|
Chilton Gaines.
|
|
|
|
273
|
|
00:17:41,290 --> 00:17:45,386
|
|
Our first essayist
|
|
will be Lisa Simpson.
|
|
|
|
274
|
|
00:17:45,460 --> 00:17:48,952
|
|
Lisa? Lisa?
|
|
|
|
275
|
|
00:17:49,031 --> 00:17:53,058
|
|
Oh, there she is.
|
|
|
|
276
|
|
00:17:53,135 --> 00:17:55,831
|
|
Lisa Simpson
|
|
will now read her essay—
|
|
|
|
277
|
|
00:17:55,904 --> 00:17:58,896
|
|
I would like to read
|
|
a different essay, if I may?
|
|
|
|
278
|
|
00:17:58,974 --> 00:18:01,204
|
|
Um— Okay.
|
|
|
|
279
|
|
00:18:03,345 --> 00:18:06,439
|
|
The city of Washington was built
|
|
on a stagnant swamp...
|
|
|
|
280
|
|
00:18:06,515 --> 00:18:10,474
|
|
some 200 years ago
|
|
and very little has changed.
|
|
|
|
281
|
|
00:18:10,552 --> 00:18:13,544
|
|
It stank then
|
|
and it stinks now.
|
|
|
|
282
|
|
00:18:13,622 --> 00:18:17,786
|
|
Only today, it is
|
|
the fetid stench of corruption
|
|
that hangs in the air.
|
|
|
|
283
|
|
00:18:17,859 --> 00:18:20,521
|
|
Cool! A ruckus.
|
|
|
|
284
|
|
00:18:23,198 --> 00:18:25,962
|
|
And who did I see
|
|
taking a bribe...
|
|
|
|
285
|
|
00:18:26,034 --> 00:18:28,525
|
|
but the honorable
|
|
Bob Arnold.
|
|
|
|
286
|
|
00:18:28,604 --> 00:18:31,072
|
|
But don't worry, Congressman...
|
|
|
|
287
|
|
00:18:31,139 --> 00:18:35,269
|
|
I'm sure you can buy
|
|
all the votes you need
|
|
with your dirty money.
|
|
|
|
288
|
|
00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:39,110
|
|
And this will be one nation
|
|
under the dollar...
|
|
|
|
289
|
|
00:18:39,181 --> 00:18:42,514
|
|
with liberty
|
|
and justice for none.
|
|
|
|
290
|
|
00:18:47,656 --> 00:18:50,056
|
|
Senator, there's a problem
|
|
at the essay contest.
|
|
|
|
291
|
|
00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:52,559
|
|
- Please, son, I'm very busy.
|
|
- A little girl...
|
|
|
|
292
|
|
00:18:52,628 --> 00:18:55,688
|
|
- is losing faith in democracy.
|
|
- Good Lord!
|
|
|
|
293
|
|
00:19:00,402 --> 00:19:04,338
|
|
Congressman, we want to drill for
|
|
oil in Teddy Roosevelt's head.
|
|
|
|
294
|
|
00:19:04,406 --> 00:19:07,842
|
|
Well— Teddy who?
|
|
|
|
295
|
|
00:19:07,909 --> 00:19:10,537
|
|
Congressman...
|
|
|
|
296
|
|
00:19:10,612 --> 00:19:12,546
|
|
you're under arrest.
|
|
|
|
297
|
|
00:19:16,518 --> 00:19:19,146
|
|
- You work fast.
|
|
- I work for Uncle Sam.
|
|
|
|
298
|
|
00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:25,621
|
|
We will now vote
|
|
on the House bill 1022—
|
|
|
|
299
|
|
00:19:25,694 --> 00:19:27,525
|
|
the expulsion of Bob Arnold.
|
|
|
|
300
|
|
00:19:27,596 --> 00:19:31,555
|
|
Mr. Speaker, I'm all for the bill,
|
|
but shouldn't we tack on...
|
|
|
|
301
|
|
00:19:31,633 --> 00:19:34,397
|
|
- a pay raise for ourselves?
|
|
- No.!
|
|
|
|
302
|
|
00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:41,167
|
|
Okay, this should make
|
|
my bosses very happy.
|
|
|
|
303
|
|
00:19:41,243 --> 00:19:46,408
|
|
- Your bosses?
|
|
- Yep. All 250 million of them.
|
|
|
|
304
|
|
00:19:49,451 --> 00:19:51,976
|
|
When my family arrived
|
|
in this country four months ago...
|
|
|
|
305
|
|
00:19:52,054 --> 00:19:54,887
|
|
we spoke no English
|
|
and had no money in our pockets.
|
|
|
|
306
|
|
00:19:54,956 --> 00:19:59,086
|
|
Today, we own a nationwide chain
|
|
of wheel-balancing centers.
|
|
|
|
307
|
|
00:19:59,161 --> 00:20:02,392
|
|
Where else but in America—
|
|
or possibly Canada—
|
|
|
|
308
|
|
00:20:02,464 --> 00:20:05,365
|
|
could our family find
|
|
such opportunity?
|
|
|
|
309
|
|
00:20:05,434 --> 00:20:08,096
|
|
That's why whenever I see
|
|
the stars and stripes...
|
|
|
|
310
|
|
00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:12,197
|
|
I'll always be reminded
|
|
of that wonderful word "flag."
|
|
|
|
311
|
|
00:20:14,276 --> 00:20:17,541
|
|
There will be a brief recess
|
|
while the judges tabulate their votes.
|
|
|
|
312
|
|
00:20:17,612 --> 00:20:20,206
|
|
Lisa, what's
|
|
gotten into you?
|
|
|
|
313
|
|
00:20:20,282 --> 00:20:23,046
|
|
Yeah, your other speech
|
|
was a little more crowd pleasing.
|
|
|
|
314
|
|
00:20:23,118 --> 00:20:27,885
|
|
I'm sorry, Dad.
|
|
I couldn't think of a nice way
|
|
to say America stinks.
|
|
|
|
315
|
|
00:20:27,956 --> 00:20:31,016
|
|
Extra! Extra!
|
|
Feds nab rotten rep.
|
|
|
|
316
|
|
00:20:31,093 --> 00:20:33,027
|
|
Give me one of those.
|
|
|
|
317
|
|
00:20:33,095 --> 00:20:37,191
|
|
"Imprisoned congressman
|
|
becomes born-again Christian. "
|
|
|
|
318
|
|
00:20:37,265 --> 00:20:41,031
|
|
I can't believe it.
|
|
The system works.
|
|
|
|
319
|
|
00:20:46,942 --> 00:20:50,343
|
|
- He already sang this song.
|
|
- No, that was about the budget gap.
|
|
|
|
320
|
|
00:20:50,412 --> 00:20:52,039
|
|
This is the trading gap.
|
|
|
|
321
|
|
00:20:53,482 --> 00:20:55,882
|
|
And now
|
|
the moment of truth.
|
|
|
|
322
|
|
00:20:55,951 --> 00:21:00,684
|
|
Will the winning essay be
|
|
" Bubble on, O melting pot"?
|
|
|
|
323
|
|
00:21:00,756 --> 00:21:03,657
|
|
"Lift high your lamp,
|
|
Green Lady"?
|
|
|
|
324
|
|
00:21:03,725 --> 00:21:06,558
|
|
"USA, A-OK"?
|
|
|
|
325
|
|
00:21:06,628 --> 00:21:09,256
|
|
Or "Cesspool on the Potomac"?
|
|
|
|
326
|
|
00:21:09,331 --> 00:21:12,300
|
|
Cesspool! Cesspool! Cesspool!
|
|
Cesspool! Cesspool!
|
|
|
|
327
|
|
00:21:12,367 --> 00:21:14,801
|
|
And now the winner is...
|
|
|
|
328
|
|
00:21:14,870 --> 00:21:18,101
|
|
" USA, A-OK,"
|
|
by Trong Van Dinh.
|
|
|
|
329
|
|
00:21:18,173 --> 00:21:20,403
|
|
D'oh!
|
|
|
|
330
|
|
00:21:23,111 --> 00:21:26,239
|
|
Miss Crowley, thank you
|
|
for this oversized novelty check.
|
|
|
|
331
|
|
00:21:26,314 --> 00:21:29,841
|
|
I would like share this honor
|
|
with all of my fellow essayists...
|
|
|
|
332
|
|
00:21:29,918 --> 00:21:32,887
|
|
particularly
|
|
the courageous Lisa Simpson...
|
|
|
|
333
|
|
00:21:32,954 --> 00:21:35,149
|
|
whose inflammatory
|
|
rhetoric reminded us...
|
|
|
|
334
|
|
00:21:35,223 --> 00:21:38,715
|
|
that the price of freedom
|
|
is eternal vigilance.
|
|
|
|
335
|
|
00:21:38,794 --> 00:21:41,888
|
|
Give her the check!
|
|
|
|
336
|
|
00:21:41,963 --> 00:21:43,954
|
|
I was serious.
|
|
|
|
337
|
|
00:21:57,445 --> 00:21:59,913
|
|
- Ow.!
|
|
- Bart!
|
|
|
|
338
|
|
00:21:59,981 --> 00:22:03,439
|
|
Lis, you taught me to stand up
|
|
for what I believe in.
|
|
|
|
339
|
|
00:22:52,712 --> 00:22:54,646
|
|
Shh!
|
|
|